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I am not traditional by nature, more of a rebel or protestant, I’d say. So I didn’t expect official Episcopal liturgy to save me after my recent Big Three—Rob’s cancer diagnosis, the pandemic, my retirement. Now though, every Wednesday and Thursday I read from the Book of Common Prayer in community, one day Oración Matutina and the next Morning Prayer. Yesterday we three gathered beside Lake Washington in the glorious sunshine. It was good to have the bones of ancient structure to guide us.    

Given new guidance from the CDC, I hugged my daughter Carolina yesterday for the first time in a year. We are both fully-vaccinated as she was in the now-unblinded Moderna test, God bless her! We were masked and outdoors. Still….holding and being held. I noticed and reveled, which is my intent, to FEEL these firsts as they return.

And this little bee is beckoning me too, “Come play, Aunt Penny. Come play!” Teary now. Flooding with gratitude. 

Nannie scratched my little back until I fell asleep, singing or cooing, “Be still, honey. Rest is as good as sleep.” I resurrect this mantra when the night is long or the morning is early, glad I’ve memorized the Lord’s Prayer in English and Spanish. Wishing I’d memorized more poetry. Just think of the lucky ones who can sing themselves to sleep with the Magnificat.  

Since retiring, I have struggled with the perennial question, “What now?” Don’t get me wrong, I love reporting to God. I just like the definition of a job.

Last week I became an ESP—Essential Support Person—the title used for those who can come inside at Mom’s. This apparently is an official government phrase according to a lawyer in my small “Radix” group. She helped conjure up the terminology. How’s that for the magic of connection?

After months of brief visits outdoors, it was blissful to be together inside and warm.

The job fits. I’ll take it.    

……that’s enough for today.

Period.