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Radical passivity is the conviction that all is good. It means Creator loves unconditionally, offering complete freedom without judgment knowing all will return to wholeness in the long run. Of course, we are human and, in this freedom, make choices that are not loving thus it takes a long time to evolve into Spirit. Remember MLK Jr’s “the moral arc of the universe is long but it bends toward justice”? That’s a similar position of faith. This is not an understanding I can make myself have, but it seems to be slowly seeping into me.

Thanks be to God.    

Borrowing a phrase from Howard Thurman after reading Esau McCauley’s perspective in NYT…”Let me gather up the threads of my position to this point.”

As God forgives me, I must forgive myself. When I forgive myself, I can extend this grace more fully to others. There is a point of relief and gratefulness in forgiveness; I can let my sin go. As I come clean, I desire God’s desire and am moved to act. I will be given courage and determination to be loving in the face of evil inside and outside of me, with God’s help.    

I can loosen my center where I ache, and invite Fire in.

I can move my pelvis slightly from side to side,

     even if the movement is only in my mind.

I can curl into the softest blanket I can find,

or prop myself up with a pillow, to watch the light of dawn come forth.

Shadow—Reveal—Shadow—Reveal

I can notice the heat of Life radiating from within,

imagining washing my beloved’s feet in public and everyone else’s too

even if only in my mind.    

Me (exclaiming loudly with alarm immediately after exiting Thursday Morning Prayer, having attended with Grandkitty Porky for his first time) – Oh, No!

Rob (responding from the other room, after sighing deeply) – Are you ok?

Me (gleefully) – April Fool!    

Yes indeed, I love these people, myself included. So much so, I have a lump of concrete in my lower right back. I ache. I know I need to sob, yet I resist. Sadly, I make myself hurt with my concern.

The youngest one is living fully and in transition as she moves into the new home she owns. The oldest one won’t stop aging—Blast! She keeps on encouraging me to live fully. Instead, silly me, I brace myself. I am not unlike flat sandwich bologna squeezed between the most luscious breads of all time.