Author: alwaysbridging

My son fell in love with beautiful Jannet. Jester came along with the package. Who’d have thought he, in particular, would become so attached to a dog?

Clarke’s a teacher. And a pianist. I wish we had thought to invite him inside to play jazz riffs last night. Masked still, of course….with the door flung open to the coming springtime. A gift for us and all the neighbors.

Now I know. Next time.   

More than once I’ve heard, “Don’t beat yourself up.” Most recently in response to my post about the vaccine. Like I said, sin surfaces. Especially now as I am more reflective. I notice, admit, let it go. Sometimes with great feelings of embarrassment, sadness, regret and certainly relief, warm gratitude too. Vale la pena. Yes, it’s worth it.

Microaggressions born of institutional racism and my stubborn privilege as a white woman fall in this category. While I fear the unrecognized onslaught, I also know peace is on the other side. I pray to be made aware.   

I am not traditional by nature, more of a rebel or protestant, I’d say. So I didn’t expect official Episcopal liturgy to save me after my recent Big Three—Rob’s cancer diagnosis, the pandemic, my retirement. Now though, every Wednesday and Thursday I read from the Book of Common Prayer in community, one day Oración Matutina and the next Morning Prayer. Yesterday we three gathered beside Lake Washington in the glorious sunshine. It was good to have the bones of ancient structure to guide us.    

Given new guidance from the CDC, I hugged my daughter Carolina yesterday for the first time in a year. We are both fully-vaccinated as she was in the now-unblinded Moderna test, God bless her! We were masked and outdoors. Still….holding and being held. I noticed and reveled, which is my intent, to FEEL these firsts as they return.

And this little bee is beckoning me too, “Come play, Aunt Penny. Come play!” Teary now. Flooding with gratitude. 

Nannie scratched my little back until I fell asleep, singing or cooing, “Be still, honey. Rest is as good as sleep.” I resurrect this mantra when the night is long or the morning is early, glad I’ve memorized the Lord’s Prayer in English and Spanish. Wishing I’d memorized more poetry. Just think of the lucky ones who can sing themselves to sleep with the Magnificat.